You're so fat! You're so fat!
There are five words
that are part of every addict's vernacular.
Five words that come from the darkest place imaginable.
But these five words don't admit surrender or defeat.
To call it defeat would oversimplify
the absolute loss of humanity.
This is it.
The disintegration of the soul.
The point at which the body has no fight left.
When helpless becomes hopeless
and hopeless becomes despair.
Ladies and gentlemen,
but especially the gentlemen...
Tonight, we bring you
the finest in flesh that this campus has ever seen!
This is the moment in the game where there are no more pIays.
No more outs,
no more options.
This is the place every addict eventually gets to.
Look at this prime choice, huh?
The thought of living our lives
without our addiction is unthinkable.
Even worse than the thought of living our lives with it.
So when we say these five words,
it doesn't come from a place of fear.
It doesn't come from a place of sadness.
Look at this prime choice.
You're so fat! You're so fat!
It comes from the core of our soul,
the burning hot center that has begun to go cold,
the place where nothing lives except the truth.
Nika, what's wrong with you? Come on.
These five words are so simple.
Five little words.
I wish...
I were... dead.
I wish...
I was dead.
I wish I was dead.
I'm not staying here, William, all right?!
I'm not staying here, because it's my problem!
It's my problem, not your problem!
Hey, hey, hey!
Take it easy.
Leave me alone! Get off of me!
Let me go! I'm fine!
You're not going anywhere, Swenton.
You're gonna stay here, and you're gonna get clean.
Take it easy.
How much time did he have?
I don't know.
Yes, you do.
We all know exactly how much time we got clean.
How much did Swenton have?
Two years and change.
Two years, two months, five days.
Two years and now nothing.
Completely cleaned the slate.
Just like that, one of us goes down.
We're fine.
You and me, we're still fine.
And Swenton will be fine, too.
Hi.
Looking for William.
ln regards to?
Business.
William's not available right now.
When is he gonna be available?
Hard to say.
Actually, it's very simple to say.
I ask you when, and you give me a time.
Actually, we don't have to tell you a damn thing.
Man, why don't you take your butt
-out of here. -Hey.
We can help you.
Yeah. Thank you very much.
Whoever you're here to talk about
doesn't want you to walk out that door.
Tell William I'm ready for that favor.
What the hell is the matter with you?
Do you know who that is?
Yeah, I do.
I know him.
I know Gaza.
So tell me, why are you even thinking about taking the case
of one of the biggest drug dealers in the state.
-Huh? -Because William owes him a favor.
You know that's how it works around here.
With a man like Gaza,
I might not be all right with that.
Okay, so I think we lead off with the pigs,
and then move on to the cows.
Oh, my God.
You know what would be so funny?
What if this year,
we break it into food groups?
Bacon and burgers.
That is so sick!
I love it!
That is gonna be our theme.
Bacon and burgers.
But no more cheesy purple markers, okay?
We're gonna go with red or black.
Hey, why don't we think up
something new this year?
This has been a tradition in the house
for, like, 30 years.
Yeah.
No, I know.
I-I just thought...
It's fun.
Okay, Nika?
The hazing.
Yeah.
Trust me, I know how much it sucked
for you last year.
I mean, we all went through it.
And now it's the new girls' turn.
And you get to be marker girl this year.
Look at this little piggy here!
Piggy! Piggy! Piggy!
How about our other tradition--
Ecstasy?
Is that still okay with you?
Yeah.
Daddy's little private pharmacy.
Here.
Oh, love it!
Ecstasy!
So, you got any more questions?
Yeah, what's the mystery behind the noise this morning
-and the teakettle? -There's no mystery, sweetheart.
I just need to bring an infected abscess to the surface,
then lance it.
That's disgusting.
Whose abscess?
An associate of mine.
He's going through a detox right now.
ln the house?
Yeah, in the house.
There's a junkie in the house?
Is he a criminal junkie?
He's not a junkie, first of all.
-But he's detoxing. -Yeah, but he's-he's not a criminal.
Then he's just a junkie.
-No, he's not. -But he's a drug addict.
-Yeah, but he's... -Then he's a junkie.
Look, he's a base head, okay?
And it was a misdemeanor, not a felony.
Thanks for clearing that up.
Okay, kids, school.
You still think it's not a problem?
Kids are in the car, William.
Nicole's waiting for us.
When you're able...
lf you're able, please call me.
William?
I didn't plan this, babe.
I know you didn't think you'd slip, babe.
But I did.
How's he doing?
Not great.
Sorry, William.
I know I should've said something.
Look, we're-we're past apologies, all right?
But I thought I was protecting Swenton, okay?
From what?
Look, I got to go.
Client came in this morning.
Who's the mark?
What's the addiction?
He didn't say.
left 15 thou, asked for only you.
Well, Akani, a client doesn't just walk in,
drop 15 Gs and not tell you what the case is.
Yeah, you do if you're Gaza Rashberg.
He came to collect on that favor you owe him.
All right, um, take the case.
lf it's a favor, why'd he leave the money?
Because he wants it to stop here, and it does.
All right, you might want to talk to Darnell.
He's got something up his ass about working with Gaza.
Look, I don't give a shit what Darnell's got.
We're gonna take the case, you got it?
Look, I got to go.
I'm fine, I'm fine.
No, you're not good at all, but you're gonna be fine.
Get in there.
Okay, okay, English, please.
Sure, sure, sure, sure.
I missed you at dinner last Friday.
Um, your savta made her special...
Okay, never mind.
No. I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
Close your eyes. Close your eyes.
Dad, come on.
No. It just came out of the oven.
-I'm not hungry. -It's your favorite. Come on.
Daddy, I ate this morning at the house, okay?
Nikala, morning was a long time ago.
-It's 3:00 now. -I'm not hungry.
English, please.
-Okay. -Look, I'm late for a class, okay?
I have to go.
Sure, sure. You're always late, always running.
Always, you know, whatever.
Everything I give you-- you act like you don't want it.
You know, your car, your fancy college.
-Whatever. It's... -I don't ask for it.
You want to tell me something?
What are you doing to yourself?
Talk to me, okay? Just-Just talk to me.
Dad, nothing's wrong.
I'm fine, okay?
My pills are disappearing--
that's why.
You smell of alcohol. That's why.
I know something is wrong...
Let me help you.
Nothing's going on.
Nothing's wrong, okay?
You're... Will you please just leave me alone, all right?
I want to know why.
-Why? -Can you please just leave me alone?
Why am I making you so unhappy?
What is it? Is-Is... Is it the way I speak?
Is... Is it, what? Is it where we live?
We'll-We'll move, okay? We'll move.
I'll change, right?
Right?
You are who you are.
Your accent, where we come from--
I understand.
But the one thing you can change, you don't.
Shh...
ln case you're not keeping score, I think
I've tossed about the last three of those drinks
from either one end or the other in about record time.
And you're gonna keep drinking 'em till your stomach settles.
-Hmm. -There you go.
Nasty.
Avocado, lemon,
olive oil, protein powder and butter.
You know what? I don't have anything left inside, bro.
I mean, literally, if you look down my throat,
you can see the floor.
Drink.
Then you're gonna spend
another 30 minutes
inside a hot shower, unless your fever spikes.
Oh, you can relax, William, all right? I'm gonna be fine.
Oh, like Mickey was fine?
Let it go, William.
All right? You're not on the hook for him or for me.
Look, Swenton, you and me both know
that I should have seen Mickey coming.
And you? How'd I miss this?
So if Mickey ain't on me, and you ain't on me, then who?
Who? Whose fauIt is it?
William, I don't want to keep doing this.
The blaming yourself-- it's manipulative,
and I'm not into it.
Then tell me whose fauIt it is.
Answer me! Whose fauIt is it?!
You want me to play? Fine.
It's yours.
You're the one on the needle.
It's yours.
Your fault. Your fault.
You happy? You want to be the martyr?
Ain't nothing martyr about it, man.
Mickey's dead, and if you walk out that door,
then you're dead, too.
But you know what? You're right, man.
Drink, don't drink, whatever.
Drink, don't drink.
Dumb ass.
Where's William?
He couldn't make it.
I told you,
when William is ready to meet with me, I'll meet with him.
You know what we do, and we know what you do.
Why are we playing this game?
Your associate chooses not to come in-- that's very
disrespectful, you know?
Gaza...
...let us help you.
Who needs us?
Someone. Someone close to you.
My daughter is sick.
She stealed...
She steals my pills.
She smells of alcohol.
She... weighs... nothing.
I know what you're thinking.
I'm not a fool.
I had the same thoughts.
But I know what my stuff does to people.
That's not Nika.
So I don't know what she's taking.
All I know is, whatever my daughter is doing
is killing her.
All right, keep it together, McDougal.
All our asses are on the line.
I don't care what William thinks.
I'm not talking about William.
I don't care about Gaza or his daughter.
Well, you should.
Hi.
-Hi. -Can we help you with something?
Oh, I'm sorry. Emma Lee.
I was wondering if I could show my man the house.
I know I'm from the Berkeley chapter,
but we're down here on va-cay, and...
Yeah. Totally cool.
-One second. -Awesome.
Hey, Rae, can you come here a sec?
There's a sister here who wants to see the house.
Make sure we have all the stuff ready for tonight.
Stay on her. Go.
Cool.
-Hey. Can I help you? -Hey.
-I'm Rae. -Emma.
Jaimie said you wanted to see the house?
-For sure. -Cool.
Oh, my gosh.
This used to be my friend Megan's room.
I used to drive down from San Francisco.
The times we had in here were amazing.
-Yeah? -Yeah.
Not so much anymore.
Oh. One second, Emma.
Oh, it's the guy I'm dating.
-Okay. -Sort of.
Yeah.
Two years, man.
I had two years, bro.
The only reason I did it was to...
protect our cover?
With the lnland Kings?
Mm-hmm.
And I thought l was in the clear...
but that taste, bro.
Now...
I don't know.
You want the no bullshit answer, Swenton?
I still think about using
every day.
No matter how much
good stuff I got going in my life finally,
I still think about it.
Because I'm a junkie, man.
So are you.
Hey, Arnie.
Hi, Melissa.
Uh...
I'm really sorry about this.
It's lame.
Go ahead.
Yeah?
How's he doing?
Well, no better, not yet.
I'd like to come see him.
You got eyes on the mark?
I know it's uncomfortable, William.
Uncomfortable?
Understatement?
But I really need to see him.
Yes, we have eyes.
I'm in Nika's room right now.
Darnell's tailing her.
I'll send you pictures of what I get.
Okay? Give me a minute.
Hey, did you get the pictures?
I did. Vodka. What else?
Yeah, we got vodka, only one bottle.
Lipstick on the rim.
She's not drinking out of this, she's just sipping out of it.
And it's still half-full.
Okay, so she's not a drunk.
Find me something else.
Hey, It's Akani. Leave a message.
I lost her.
I'll double back to Gaza's place, see if she's there.
All right, go ahead.
William, are you seeing this?
We've got OTC laxatives, ipecac.
She's got the gallon-size Ziplocs.
Vodka to cover her breath.
She's using the Ziploc bags to store and weigh her vomit.
This girl's a full-blown bulimic.
How bad is it?
Oh, this is bad.
William, she's coughing up blood.
Her system's shutting down.
You got her?
Uh, no. Darnell's tailing her.
I'll have him bring her in.
Yo, Malcolm, it's your brother.
I found Gaza.
I'm gonna take care of business later tonight.
You know, I knew when I was six how screwed I was.
My, uh...
my brother and I had a cold.
My mom gave us this teaspoon of cough syrup,
and after she went to bed,
I drank the rest of the bottle.
All right, time's up.
Come on out.
You know, Swenton, part of...
part of sobering up is understanding
that you being an addict
has got nothing to do with the cough syrup, man.
You're hardwired from jump.
How'd you lose her?
She must have got by me.
I had eyes on her until...
Yeah, you want to tell me the real reason, D?
Because we have a girl that could die
from arrhythmia any time now, and you don't seem
-to give a damn. -She got away!
What did Gaza do to you?
Let me rephrase that.
What did Gaza do to you that gives you permission
to let his daughter disappear on our watch?
What he did was let my brother disappear on his.
You got to get ready.
Pigs and cows are in the barn,
and the audience can't wait to see them.
You haven't left this bedroom, like, for hours.
It stinks in here.
-It smells like puke... -Yeah, l, um...
I got sick.
Something at lunch didn't agree with me.
You ate carrots.
Three of them.
I'm exhausted.
I was up till, like... like 3:00.
Which is it, exhaustion or the food?
-There's no way... -There's no way what?
No way I could have food poisoning?
No way I could be tired?
I have a really sensitive system.
Nika, I know what's going on with you.
-Lots of girls go through... -Look, just get...
just get out of here, okay?
Nika, I'm concerned.
-I care about you. Nika... -Get the hell out of here!
Get out of here! Go!
You're so fat! You're so fat!
Shit!
Shit, shit, shit, shit.
You're so fat! You're so fat!
Little brother was a knucklehead, though.
Using too much, dealing to pay for his habit.
When heat got on Gaza,
Gaza put all his stuff to Malcolm.
Made him feel like he was gonna be a big-shot lieutenant
in the organization and whatnot, you know.
And then, Malcolm took the fall.
Gaza framed his ass.
That's how baby bro went to Folsom.
What about, "Turn the other cheek"?
I know, but when I saw him, Akani,
I saw that animal, and my faith was tested.
"And you will know I am the Lord
when I lay my vengeance upon you."
Which means?
Which means I'm back on surveillance.
I'll go sit on the sorority, check Gaza's place.
As soon as I see her...
Call.
I will.
Yeah?
Darnell's on surveillance.
All right, cool.
William...
I need to see him.
I need to see Swenton in person.
Akani, you can't come here, all right?
Not for Swenton, not for anything.
Let her.
She wants to see him?
Let her.
Sweetheart.
He's part of her life, too.
You have information about Nika?
What can you tell me?
I can tell you what you did to my brother...
Malcolm McDougal.
He was only 19 years old when you had him sent to Folsom.
He was a criminal.
Not half the criminal you are.
He went in a pretty good kid, you know that?
He came out a certified gangster.
And for this, you blame me, right?
Not him, not that boy that so easily became a criminal,
but me.
So easily?
Is that what you think?
Look, I gave him an opportunity.
He was careless.
I'm not to blame.
Hey, hey, hey, hey.
Do you really think that's a solution, Mr. McDougal,
the gun you have there?
Do you play chess?
No?
Excellent game.
Now, when you play it,
you must think multiple moves ahead, okay?
Let's say you're gonna kill me now.
Not gonna get out of here alive, right?
And someone from your life
gonna come after someone from mine.
And on, and on, and on,
and you know where I'm going, right?
We're holding our swords at each other's throats,
Mr. McDougal,
and we decide whether to use them or not.
I can't walk out of here knowing what you did to my brother.
I'm sorry for your brother, Darnell.
I am.
But he made a choice.
He lived a life that, yes,
I am still fortunate enough to live,
and he made a move.
And now it's your turn to make a move.
You see, we're all pawns in this game.
Take me; you, too, will be taken off the board.
Chess, Mr. McDougal.
It's a beautiful game,
but trading pawns is not gonna win you a match.
lf you knew that meth
was the most addictive substance,
then why'd you do it?
Did you deal, also?
Did you jack people for drugs?
Little angels, William.
You're doing a lovely job raising them.
Ben, Lu, leave him alone.
No, actually, you know what?
I enjoy the conversation.
You see, children, methamphetamine
has a very glorious history.
ln fact, one of its earliest uses was in...
uh, the Germans during World War ll,
and even Mr. Hitler himself may...
I'll get it.
I got it. It's Akani.
Hello, William.
I'm ready to collect that favor.
ln my car.
You don't come to my house.
You don't come to where my family is.
Since I'm here, I believe we're past the threats.
Look, I walked away
from $30,000 in business for you,
and you gave me your word
that if such a time should come,
you're gonna be there for me, right?
Okay, that time is now, William Banks.
It's right now.
Hello, Mrs. Banks.
Everything okay?
Everything is fine, babe.
I'll be in, in a minute.
Take a minute, take five.
But you're coming with me.
You're gonna help me with my daughter.
Can you do this without me for a while?
Where are you going now, William?
I'm going out, I gotta...
-I gotta get that, um... -You are so close
to this being over.
Babe, I'm over the kick.
I'm not talking about the kick.
I've done it before.
All right, keep him wrapped up.
Showers are okay, let him sweat.
Whatever he says,
don't let him out.
I said I've done it before, William.
Hey... hey.
You be careful.
Ladies and gentlemen,
but especially the gentlemen...
Tonight we bring you
the finest in flesh that this campus has ever seen!
Tonight the ladies of Alpha Delta Chi
are gonna finally show you what they're made of!
Any piece of meat that is too fat
will not be tolerated.
You're so fat!
Ladies, will you help me corral these farm animals?
Now, I don't understand why you and your people
are so resistant to helping me.
My people are on the case.
Oh, come on, Will, you send me a girl
who does nothing and a fool who pulls a gun on me.
When?
It's nothing.
They are nothing.
What about you, Will?
You're the one who owes me.
I'm busy with another case right now.
Oh, I see, and my daughter doesn't matter
as much as this other case of yours, right?
What, she's not as good as this other person?
See, I thought you'd be more empathetic to my situation.
We're both fathers, both businessmen.
Don't kid yourself.
We got nothing in common.
Really?
Now, because if you think about it,
you and I are very much in the same business.
Not even close.
No? Where would either of us be
without the addicts paying our way?
You... believe it or not, you pay my way,
with all the shit you put into the world,
with the absolute poison you supply.
That's what pays my way.
Well, that's a conversation for the ages, isn't it?
Like the chicken and the egg.
Which came first, people like me or people like you?
But it doesn't really matter, does it, Will?
'Cause long after we're gone,
there will be two more exactly like us,
two more pawns to take our place in the game.
No, you know what, not pawns.
Two more businessmen who will need
exactly the same thing--
the addict.
Hello.
Hi, Akani. I'm Melissa.
Thanks for letting me come and see him.
Of course.
Arnie's in the living room.
Thank you.
Is it cool...
It's fine.
He's all yours.
I'll put on some tea for you.
Thanks.
Ah.
Well, well.
Look who came to drop by and say hello.
Dead night at the strip club?
Yeah, they're polishing the pole.
Yeah, you can say that again.
Mm-hmm.
Oh!
People are gonna start talking about us, Akani.
Oh, no.
Hey.
Sorry.
Don't be.
Okay.
Come on out, little piggies.
Out to pasture! Out to pasture!
Nika!
Bring out our next little heifer.
Where do we want to send this little heifer?
You're so fat! You're so fat!
But this little piggy
has the face of an angel.
Don't you think that this little piggy can be prime cut?
Don't worry
as long as daddy supplies the house,
you're golden.
Nika, come out!
Come on!
Nika!
Nika, where are you going?
Nika?!
Akani, I can't find her.
Uh, D, I thought we were through this, you and me.
Look, we did. I'm good, all right?
She's not here. She's not in her room.
She's not in the sorority.
They're hazing the pledges right now,
like pigs, cows or something.
Ah, hogs and heifers.
Yeah, really original.
You know what?
lf she just went through that, again.
D, she's gonna go on another run.
-Yeah. -A binge?
And with the way her esophagus is breaking down...
We gotta get this girl before she dies.
Akani, she could be anywhere.
I know, but for bulimics, it's a ritual.
So, if she's not gonna be in her bathroom,
which is the most private place for her,
then she's gonna want to go somewhere
that makes a statement, okay?
Somewhere that they can find her...
I checked all over the sorority.
Those girls won't help her.
She wants to be somewhere where she can be found by her...
Her father.
-The bakery. -Okay.
Um, I'll meet you there.
-All right, got it. -Call William.
You need my help?
Yeah.
Next case.
Take care of yourself, okay?
Get better.
Melissa, thank you
again for letting me come. I really appreciate it.
My pleasure.
l, uh, I hope the girl's
-gonna be okay. -Yeah, me, too.
And thank you for taking care of Swenton.
Of course.
Thank you.
You see...
they don't like you.
'Cause you're too fat!
Too dark.
Too stupid.
They only hang out with you
'cause you give them daddy's pills, that's all.
They made fun of you.
They hate you.
Everyone does.
No!
Coffee?
Oh, Arnie, let me do that.
No, no, no, I got it.
Believe me-- I can pour coffee.
After this last slip,
that's probably all I'm gonna be doing for a while.
I don't think William's gonna give me much
of a recommendation.
He's not gonna bounce you.
Arnie...
I'm not so sure.
My hands are shaking more now than when I was using.
Well, that'll stop.
They always do.
Last time, babe.
Babe, look at me.
Last time.
You'll be fine, Arnie.
Trust me.
Come on, girl, come on, move, breathe, breathe.
She's not breathing.
Come on.
Come on, girl, come on, move.
Breathe, breathe... I can't get her to breathe, man.
-She's not moving, man. -Move, now!
Go call 911 !
Get an ambulance.
Got it.
911 , what's your emergency?
I need, uh, an ambulance to 8361 East Pico Boulevard.
She's a female, 21 years old, about 100 pounds.
Her airway's blocked,
and she's unconscious.
All right, this girl's not breathing.
Somebody give me a pen. Give me a pen!
-Now! -Uh...
-Darnell, give me a knife off the counter! -Got it!
-Got it! Got it! Here! -What are you doing, man?
-Just do it! -What are you doing?
Her esophagus is closed. She's choking to death.
No, no, no, no, she needs a doctor!
-They're on their way. -It's too late for a doctor!
-Hey! Hey! No! -If I don't open her airway, she's gonna die.
You're gonna be all right.
Give her some air.
Ready? Go.
Now, listen, your daughter,
she's gonna need long-term medical treatment.
You know that, right?
Bulimia requires therapy.
Yeah.
Thank you.
We're even.
Sure.
Until one of us needs the other again.
Anything we can afford?
Depends.
Are we interested in a hillside view?
Oh, what, give up the Pacific Ocean?
You did it. You know that, right?
Oh, I didn't do anything yet.
Mmm, Swenton's not even close to being...
I'm talking about you, William.
You did it.
The last time that we went through this,
you said it was gonna be the last time.
And it was.
I met Akani.
She's beautiful.
Yeah, she's all right.
We were separated, Melissa.
I was using again.
-I know. -I wasn't... I wasn't myself.
I know.
You were a different person then.
And you're a different person now.
There are five words
that are part of every addict's vernacular.
Five words
that come from the darkest place imaginable.
But these five words don't admit surrender
or defeat.
Mr. McDougal?
Compliments of Mr. Rashberg.
When helpless becomes hopeless
and hopeless becomes despair.
And it's out of despair that the addict....
has a chance.
One chance of finding hope,
and that's acceptance.
So when we say these five words,
it doesn't come from a place of fear.
It comes from sadness and from wisdom.
-From acceptance. -Hey.
And from trust.
Come to bed, babe.
Please come to our bed.
These five little words:
I wish...
I were...
...alive.